WALL*E or The Movie Disney's Lawyers Forgot

I loved WALL*E. Saw it for the second time this past weekend.

(c) Disney

It is a gorgeous film. At times it is sublime. The first act is brilliant, ranks among the best animation I have ever seen.

After that, well, it's not that the film flags...it's more like it starts to get "important" or "relevant" but doesn't (or can't) actually get around to saying what's on it's mind. Loads of folks, from Frank Rich to The Lord Obama, are imposing their own super-smart reading onto this film...but I am not so sure the guys who made the movie really knew what to make of it.


That's really not a big beef...it is still a really enjoyable escape.

But I do have to ask WHAT WERE THEY THINKING when it comes to this scene:

WALL*E, the precocious garbage compactor with a mind of his own, has been busy for hundreds of years mashing trash in an effort to tidy up an Earth overrun with crud. Along the way, the android with a heart of gold has developed an affinity for old stuff that he finds and begins collecting this stuff in his shipping container-esque hovel. Its full of Rubik's Cubes, old silverware, and bobblehead toys. Think of the Little Mermaid and all her thingamabobs. Then think of some Ebay sicko. That's WALL*E.

THE DISTURBING PART comes when WALL*E meets EVE and attempts to court this strangely hot floating ipod. WALL*E shows EVE his junk (meaning the stuff he's collected in his little robo shack). Among the light bulbs and sporks, WALL*E finds one extra-special little toy to share...a lighter.

??? (c) Disney

That's right, a lighter. Those things that kids from 2-8 are already fascinated with. Those things that toddlers are notorious for getting their paws on and setting fire to their mama's mattress.

So, that's an appropriate thing for a Disney character to be playing with, showing off to his lady. Right?

The really confusing thing for me is that, I understand that there was some kind of metaphor or symbolism at work between "fire" and the weed that WALL*E discovers on the otherwise desolate Earth, but it was really tenuous. I didn't really get it.

Hopefully, no kids will see this tomfoolery and take it upon themselves to do some Polynesian fire dance with Daddy's Zippo. Even so, how in the heck did Disney's lawyers give this a pass?

Brighter indeed. The world will burn!

(c) Disney

My Backstory is Bigger than your Backstory

For any Disnoid who hasn't picked up The Disney Mountains by Jason Surrell, you owe it to yourself to do so. The binding is flimsy, but the content is decent.

Buy me new on Amazon for $14!

Once you read this thing, I'd like to hear your take on Joe Rohde and his ongoing prattle about every last bit of who-gives-a-crap that went into Expedition EVEREST. Don't get me wrong, I have a tremendous amount of respect for anyone who gets way beyond the nitty-gritty to create an attraction with heart. But if you are doing this in the name of STORY, well, how about first you make sure you have a story that makes sense.

What do I mean? Well, I am not talking about the obvious misdirection involved with the Everest angle...it makes no sense but, well--yeah it really doesn't make sense, does it?

No, I am talking about this bit of nonsensicalness:

1. You climb up this mountain on a train. The train is on tracks.


2. Suddenly, you discover the road ahead is blocked: the tracks are ripped up (presumably by a monkey-man)


3. Somehow you, in the train, go flying backward. As you are on a route you didn't come up on and there is no indication in the story that there is a switch, it appears that our storytellers are suggesting that the train is now off the tracks.


4. You, in the train, then see the shadow of the monkey-man. He is RIPPING UP TRACKS and now, somehow, you are back on the rails.

I know this sounds like quibbling, and it is. But it makes no sense.

It is also basic. This kind of flimsiness is apparent to more guests than the authenticity of some natural mineral-stain that could only be found in Tibet. If Disney can afford to spend millions on research trips/corporate vacations, why can't they spend a couple extra grand concocting a story that holds water?