WALL*E or The Movie Disney's Lawyers Forgot

I loved WALL*E. Saw it for the second time this past weekend.

(c) Disney

It is a gorgeous film. At times it is sublime. The first act is brilliant, ranks among the best animation I have ever seen.

After that, well, it's not that the film flags...it's more like it starts to get "important" or "relevant" but doesn't (or can't) actually get around to saying what's on it's mind. Loads of folks, from Frank Rich to The Lord Obama, are imposing their own super-smart reading onto this film...but I am not so sure the guys who made the movie really knew what to make of it.


That's really not a big beef...it is still a really enjoyable escape.

But I do have to ask WHAT WERE THEY THINKING when it comes to this scene:

WALL*E, the precocious garbage compactor with a mind of his own, has been busy for hundreds of years mashing trash in an effort to tidy up an Earth overrun with crud. Along the way, the android with a heart of gold has developed an affinity for old stuff that he finds and begins collecting this stuff in his shipping container-esque hovel. Its full of Rubik's Cubes, old silverware, and bobblehead toys. Think of the Little Mermaid and all her thingamabobs. Then think of some Ebay sicko. That's WALL*E.

THE DISTURBING PART comes when WALL*E meets EVE and attempts to court this strangely hot floating ipod. WALL*E shows EVE his junk (meaning the stuff he's collected in his little robo shack). Among the light bulbs and sporks, WALL*E finds one extra-special little toy to share...a lighter.

??? (c) Disney

That's right, a lighter. Those things that kids from 2-8 are already fascinated with. Those things that toddlers are notorious for getting their paws on and setting fire to their mama's mattress.

So, that's an appropriate thing for a Disney character to be playing with, showing off to his lady. Right?

The really confusing thing for me is that, I understand that there was some kind of metaphor or symbolism at work between "fire" and the weed that WALL*E discovers on the otherwise desolate Earth, but it was really tenuous. I didn't really get it.

Hopefully, no kids will see this tomfoolery and take it upon themselves to do some Polynesian fire dance with Daddy's Zippo. Even so, how in the heck did Disney's lawyers give this a pass?

Brighter indeed. The world will burn!

(c) Disney

What Are the Chances?

What are the chances that Surf's Up will walk away with the little gold man tonight? It was far from a perfect movie, but for that matter Ratatouille was far from perfect. I think it would be nice to see this--the best of the penguin movies--receive some cred.

How Does This Make Any Sense???

If you think this makes no sense, try piecing together Jim Hill's most recent story.

Ask me six or seven years ago and I would've told you that Jim Hill was my favorite Disnoid-writer in the whole wide Interweb. For reasons we won't bother with here, that changed, but I've always believed Jim was one of the gang--a Disney geek with enough of a head on his shoulders to be skeptical when required. If anything, I thought the guy was getting to be a little too rough on the Mouse following the Pixar purchase a couple of years back.

But then, what the heck is this story Jim "broke" on Friday?

Jim's purportedly got the inside scoop on WDW's 5th gate, whimsically referred to as Disney's Night Kingdom or DNK . And maybe he does--I'm not suggesting he's making things up. But look at what he's describing. First off, the title suggests that the Mouse is set "to reimagine the Disney-theme-park-going experience." And maybe the key word to appreciate in that phrase is the "Disney" modifier, because Jim then goes on to explain that this park is really just aping Sea World's Discovery Cove.

Read the specific experiences Hill is listing: rock climbing, spelunking, frolicing with penguins, zip lining over crocodiles, and--OH YEAH--eating gourmet meals and watching state-of-the-art stage shows. Huh? Jim's article just gives that randomness a pass.

But I think this is my favorite part of the whole story:

"I know, I know. A lot of you may have trouble wrapping your heads around a Disney theme park that's as distinctly different as DNK is going to be."

Yes, I am sure it is all the reader's fault, not being able to make sense out of this Frankensteined mess that's been described. Just as it was guests' fault for not appreciating the masterpiece that was Disney's California Adventure on opening day. At least the marketing department will be there to show us the way!

(deleted)

Who knows, if Disney decides to cook up this stew, they may just pull it off. But this is the same company that:

1. took nearly a decade to convince guests that a $750 million zoo was worth a visit.
2. is throwing in the towel and an extra billion dollars to pull DCA out of the ashes.
3. routinely scares guests with its Year of a Million Dreams-scheme.
4. marketed the Disney Institute big-time and then quietly euthanized it due to lack of interest.

Jim thinks the big question is whether his readers will shell out $250-$300 to visit this thing he's outlined. Yeah...THAT'S the big question alright.

For my part, I wonder what the heart of the place is, what's the big idea? Swimming with dolphins I get--it's what every kid who goes to Sea World dreams of...doing that in an island setting has a romance to it. But what is this "Night Kingdom?" It sounds like a downtown version of Medieval Times.

If Jim wants to ask his audience questions, how about asking what everyone thinks about Disney swiping a successful operating model from another park down the street?

Or, if Jim is really interested in how this park and your billfold might interact, how about finding out whether guests would prefer to spend their $300 bucks on "Night Kingdom" or Discovery Cove?

I firmly believe that mixing up the theme park model is necessary and that Discovery Cove is an indicator of what bold moves and great ideas--when paired together--can yield. There are so many more opportunities out there...especially when capacity can get dialed down. I sincerely hope Disney has that great new attraction in their grasp. If they do, Jim Hill's story did nothing to promote it.

Wall-E

I really cannot wait for this. There's something so warm and simple in what's popped up so far on WALL-E.

In my dreams it's like Dumbo and Bambi had a baby, only instead of the result being some freakish big-eared deer with skin problems, limited speaking ability, and the powers of flight, its all those quiet moments from both films that maximize action in lieu of spoken words, strung together on a simple Dumbo-esque story thread.

Being that Pixar is involved, this thing has a 87.5% chance of being better than I expect (hey, I guess they had to make a film like Cars at some point).

Much better video can be found at the Disney.com site. Try this: http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/wall-e/